on a more serious note...

pardon me, for a moment, as i have a vulnerable moment about a life lesson i've learned this week :)

this week, i have learned a lot about myself.

i expect the very worst of people

on thursday, my absolutely incredible roomy, truly tricia, threw me an absolutely AMAZING surprise birthday party. for one, it was harry potter themed :) for two, i was completely surprised:

{ah yes, harry potter legos!!!}

{nearly peed my pants when i got my hermione wand}

{hermione, professor mcgonagall and you can see an earless george in the background}

{and yeah. surprised}

it was an absolutely thrilling surprise. i definitely cried a little later that evening. and here's the thing of it:

i absolutely do not expect my friends to be so kind to me

...i don't expect them to love me. i don't expect them to intentionally do things specifically for me, above and beyond what courtesy expects. i felt like sally field in her 1984 acceptance speech...

sally field's acceptance speech 1984

{you like me! you really like me!!}

it was only later that i realized the need for a change in my mind. it's hurtful and frankly, insulting to my friends to hold them to such low standards. and it's a perpetual hurt to myself if i continue view myself as not worth loving. maybe i mess up a lot; maybe i'm sinful; maybe i talk too much behind other people's backs and maybe i'm a little selfish. but i am worthy of love.

this might not be my funniest blog post, but i truly thank God for the incredible love of my friends, and i thank God for a surprise harry potter party -- a wake-up call to self-abasing lady.

as harry says to his friends at the end of the 5th harry potter movie, "i realized something. we have something voldemort does not. something worth fighting for."