how to be a hipster in Pittsburgh...

so, if you have never been to my beloved city, let me give you a top 5 list of what my city is like:

5. Pittsburgh is potentially one of the most redneck cities of all time. Our fashion is a little out of date...

{i legitimately know someone whose hair looks like this...}

4. Food here: Polish food, beer, and french fries on everything.

BEST SANDWICH EVER!!!

3. we're famous for our bad driving

{the pittsburgh left is when you turn left immediately when a light turns green, even when you don't have the right-of-way...dangerous and stupid}

2. although in the past pittsburgh was known as smoggy and environmentally disastrous bc our economy used to be based on the steel industry, virtually no steel plants exist in pittsburgh anymore, and we have taken huge strides in our concern for the environment.....

{from the convention center which the president recognized as a huge stride forward in "green"-ness}

{to our exceptionally dirty rivers...this was a good day for them...}

1. saying you don't like the steelers is like going into a catholic church and drinking the holy water: it's blasphemous. we bleed black and gold here.

{actual weights and sizes do not usually vary...}

so it's recently since i've moved to the east end of pittsburgh that i've become aware the hipsters actually exist here. it seems kind of bizarre to me; pittsburgh is not exactly up-and-coming in fashion, the green movement, or art. in fact, it kind of bothers me because, in pittsburgh we take pride in our hard work, dedication, and commitment. people stick with their families and traditions generation through generation. gosh darn you hipsters and your trying to integrate people!! our recent contributions to the arts and media:

• christina aguilera (um...kind of, i'm not sure she ever actually spent a day at north allegheny high school)
• wiz khalifa (the stereotypical example of why rap was so much better before 1999)
• andy warhol (who i love, actually, but let's be real, the man did pee on a canvas and call it art. and he spent most of his life in new york, so i'm not sure he counts)
• potentially our best contributions are through movies being filmed here: dogma, silence of the lambs, zach and miri make a porno, mothmann prophecies, the new taylor lautner movie, and the new batman movie...

so, you can see that this isn't exactly the place to be a hipster. there are no bands you can know before they hit it big and then complain about how they sold out and became mainstream. there are no trends coming out a year before instyle magazine gets a hold of them (unless you count 80s fashion trends coming around again...bc we never left the 80s, tragically). there are no new art forms budding on the streets. here are some quick examples of new hipster behavior in pittsburgh:

3. freaking whole foods market...

the area i live in is not exactly high end. i live very close to section 8 housing, most people in the area live off of welfare and food stamps. it's poor, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. so....they put a whole foods market right smack dab in the middle of sliberty. i would really like to "sit and chat" with (aka punch) the person who not only thought it was a good idea but convinced several other people that it was a good idea to build a grocery store with 3-4x the prices as aldi's in an area where people are literally counting their pennies to buy toilet paper, and have no qualms about downing a big mac (eating organic: not the biggest worry in my neighborhood). eating organic can be a great idea, but i think everyone in my community should be able to eat 3 meals a day also.

2. bicycles

i first of all would like to applaud people for exercising as a way of getting to work. valiant effort. good for you!! here in pittsburgh, however, bicycling is not only insane but also dangerous. first of all, pittsburgh roads, i recently found out, were originally native american paths (which before that were deer trails)...in other words they are windy, narrow, and hilly: not exactly ideal bike trail when your bikes are competing with rush hour traffic. the narrow part is the biggest problem bc i have nearly hit like 10 people. the other problem goes back to our driving skills. not only do pittsburgh drivers not follow the rules, but pittsburgh bicyclists are even worse about following the rules; a potentially deadly mistake. 

1. locally grown fruits and veggies

and meat and cheese and milk...one of the good things about the hipster movement is that people are choosing more and more locally grown products and to buy from small businesses. pittsburgh is an area completely built on small-business and local farmers. this is one way that i am a hipster and that i'm actually proud to be a hipster. go buy some meat butchered by the amish, and i defy you to ever desire an ounce of hormonally altered meat again in your life...

{actually, i defy you to live near the amish for any amount of time and not say that, aside from their lack of showers and deodorant, they do not live truly happy and great lives}

so for all my fellow pittsburghers out there, what hipster trends do you see in our community? and for all of you who are wondering what in the crap this strange place called pittsburgh is, what do you think about the hipster movement?