i was runnin...

you know you have an addiction to running when....

• i'm still covered in 1/2 healed poison oak/ poison ivy
• it's 85 degrees and heavy humidity
• it's 3 in the afternoon (meaning traffic starts picking up)
• i already took a shower today
• yet i'm on my way out the door for a long run

how to be a hipster in Pittsburgh...

so, if you have never been to my beloved city, let me give you a top 5 list of what my city is like:

5. Pittsburgh is potentially one of the most redneck cities of all time. Our fashion is a little out of date...

{i legitimately know someone whose hair looks like this...}

4. Food here: Polish food, beer, and french fries on everything.

BEST SANDWICH EVER!!!

3. we're famous for our bad driving

{the pittsburgh left is when you turn left immediately when a light turns green, even when you don't have the right-of-way...dangerous and stupid}

2. although in the past pittsburgh was known as smoggy and environmentally disastrous bc our economy used to be based on the steel industry, virtually no steel plants exist in pittsburgh anymore, and we have taken huge strides in our concern for the environment.....

{from the convention center which the president recognized as a huge stride forward in "green"-ness}

{to our exceptionally dirty rivers...this was a good day for them...}

1. saying you don't like the steelers is like going into a catholic church and drinking the holy water: it's blasphemous. we bleed black and gold here.

{actual weights and sizes do not usually vary...}

so it's recently since i've moved to the east end of pittsburgh that i've become aware the hipsters actually exist here. it seems kind of bizarre to me; pittsburgh is not exactly up-and-coming in fashion, the green movement, or art. in fact, it kind of bothers me because, in pittsburgh we take pride in our hard work, dedication, and commitment. people stick with their families and traditions generation through generation. gosh darn you hipsters and your trying to integrate people!! our recent contributions to the arts and media:

• christina aguilera (um...kind of, i'm not sure she ever actually spent a day at north allegheny high school)
• wiz khalifa (the stereotypical example of why rap was so much better before 1999)
• andy warhol (who i love, actually, but let's be real, the man did pee on a canvas and call it art. and he spent most of his life in new york, so i'm not sure he counts)
• potentially our best contributions are through movies being filmed here: dogma, silence of the lambs, zach and miri make a porno, mothmann prophecies, the new taylor lautner movie, and the new batman movie...

so, you can see that this isn't exactly the place to be a hipster. there are no bands you can know before they hit it big and then complain about how they sold out and became mainstream. there are no trends coming out a year before instyle magazine gets a hold of them (unless you count 80s fashion trends coming around again...bc we never left the 80s, tragically). there are no new art forms budding on the streets. here are some quick examples of new hipster behavior in pittsburgh:

3. freaking whole foods market...

the area i live in is not exactly high end. i live very close to section 8 housing, most people in the area live off of welfare and food stamps. it's poor, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. so....they put a whole foods market right smack dab in the middle of sliberty. i would really like to "sit and chat" with (aka punch) the person who not only thought it was a good idea but convinced several other people that it was a good idea to build a grocery store with 3-4x the prices as aldi's in an area where people are literally counting their pennies to buy toilet paper, and have no qualms about downing a big mac (eating organic: not the biggest worry in my neighborhood). eating organic can be a great idea, but i think everyone in my community should be able to eat 3 meals a day also.

2. bicycles

i first of all would like to applaud people for exercising as a way of getting to work. valiant effort. good for you!! here in pittsburgh, however, bicycling is not only insane but also dangerous. first of all, pittsburgh roads, i recently found out, were originally native american paths (which before that were deer trails)...in other words they are windy, narrow, and hilly: not exactly ideal bike trail when your bikes are competing with rush hour traffic. the narrow part is the biggest problem bc i have nearly hit like 10 people. the other problem goes back to our driving skills. not only do pittsburgh drivers not follow the rules, but pittsburgh bicyclists are even worse about following the rules; a potentially deadly mistake. 

1. locally grown fruits and veggies

and meat and cheese and milk...one of the good things about the hipster movement is that people are choosing more and more locally grown products and to buy from small businesses. pittsburgh is an area completely built on small-business and local farmers. this is one way that i am a hipster and that i'm actually proud to be a hipster. go buy some meat butchered by the amish, and i defy you to ever desire an ounce of hormonally altered meat again in your life...

{actually, i defy you to live near the amish for any amount of time and not say that, aside from their lack of showers and deodorant, they do not live truly happy and great lives}

so for all my fellow pittsburghers out there, what hipster trends do you see in our community? and for all of you who are wondering what in the crap this strange place called pittsburgh is, what do you think about the hipster movement?

check your baggage at the door...

i've always had a pretty good memory. i often do this thing where i remember events based on what i was wearing...or associate certain restaurants, songs, or movies with certain people. this can be a good thing or a bad thing. for example, the short stop inn always reminds me of my bff marissa:

{an oldie but a goodie}

this combined with the delicious food is an excellent memory association. however, once i dated a guy and we always went to the olive garden and got fettucini alfredo every single time. it still really is not my favorite pasta. lately, i've been trying to relclaim some of these places, songs, movies, and clothing for good memories rather than bad. here are a few examples:

"crash" by dave matthews band

as well as "with or without you" by u2 are songs that, when i dated this one weirdo, were our songs. for a long time when either of these songs came on the radio, i felt a strong desire to punch something (preferrably something tall...male...and red-headed, if you catch my drift). but it didn't take long for me to get over the whole u2 thing. first off, it's a fantastic song...

second off, who makes that their song? dear boyfriend, living with you is a right pain in the tookus. but for some reason i am completely codependent on you, and i can't imagine my life without you. oh right, and i find this condition immensely desirable. love, your completely mental girlfriend. third off...i just want to make the point that i've heard a lot of people say "first off..." when they begin a list, but second off and third off just sounds idiotic.

this shirt

{check out the little ham who just couldn't stay out of the pic!!}

i wore this shirt once when i went on one of the most awkward dates of my life. up until recently, i haven't been able to redeem it. but i'm trying out new things. i wore it on a couple of more happy occasions, and i've decided to change it up and wear it without a tank underneath (leaving the 80s where they belong...30 years ago, thank you very much), and reclaim the flirty personality of this super-flattering shirt...

{or as flirty as i'm capable of right before bed on a double-dose of benadryl}

sweet pea body lotion from bath and body works

once upon a time, sweet pea was like my favorite scent from b&b. then i took 10th grade gym class. and there was some girl who i'm pretty sure never washed her gym uniform, and maintained a constant aroma which combined stinky unwashed butt, BO, sweaty feet, and sweet pea. so every time i smell it, all i can smell is stinky feet and it makes me want to gag. haven't found a remedy for this baggage, but i'm open for suggestions.

monsters inc.

the first time i ever saw monsters inc., i watched it at about 4am. i had to deprive myself of sleep for a brain-scanny-test thingy, so my mom and i stayed up watching movies all night. now, for those of you who haven't had the privilege (or curse?) of interacting with me when i'm sleep-deprived, well, i am just grumpy miss grouchy pants, and it is not pretty. so i unfortunately hate this movie bc i was so grumpy when i watched it. which is such a shame bc i like these kinds of movies so much...

chilis

so, one time i dated a guy who loved chilis approximately 75% as much as i love it (which is saying something). and nothing really thrilling or horrific happened. we parted on good terms (in fact, on a note about as luke-warm and dull as the relationship...), but eating at chilis always reminds me that sometimes chilis causes intestinal issues for me...which is how said ex-boyfriend and i became open about our bodily functions. i still eat at chilis bc their fajitas make me drool just thinking about them. but i'm a bit more cautious about it as a first date food...

the list could go on and on, but the question is this:

is this kind of baggage just a female thing? do dudes have this same weird association thing going on?

kids say the darndest things...

(side note -- who the crap actually uses "darndest" in their regular vocabulary?? i rename this blog post: kids say the most hilarious things...or ridonkulous things...)

sorry for the hiatus on the blogging front lately. not only has my life been exceptionally busy, but my humor has lacked good inspiration (in the same way my body has lacked sleep). today, however, i have returned with some humorous quotations from the two beautiful girls i babysit on wednesday: riley ellen, age 8, and rachel evelyn, age 4. enjoy this tasty sample from my glorious day w/ the girls.

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riley: my dad is really weird.
me: you think so?
riley: yeah, sometimes he dances like this in the car. {does completely foolish dance}, and then i tell him he's weird and he says, 'i know.'
me: yeah, he's a little weird. but he's a really awesome daddy.
riley: oh yeah, he is awesome and weird. [pause] your dad must be weird too bc he and my dad are buds.

....my favorite parts about this story are... first of all, the thought of her dad dancing in the car reminds me of going on vacation with him when he danced in a bar like patrick swayze in dirty dancing.

secondly, my father's name is keith, and the girls call him keester. which just makes the whole situation more humorous.

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me: oh man, that mcdonald's is making me feel sick.
riley: are you tooting?
me: yes.
riley: then i'm going to start calling you mctooty.

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riley: if we don't go outside right now, i'm going to tickle you. and it won't be the good kind.
me: what the heck?
riley: it will be in the armpits.

{little does she know how truly evil that would be!!!}

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rachel: i thought moono was aunt dotty's son?
me: moono is a character on yo gabba gabba. i don't think he's related to us.
rachel: but he's a monster.

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a small child walks into mcdonalds who has long hair and an uncanny resemblance to nicky and alex (uncle jesse's kids) in full house:

rachel goes up to the kid and decides that they are friends.

rachel: so. are you a boy or a girl? take your hat off so i can see.

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rachel: i'm bored. i want to go home.

me: riley's still playing in the play place. maybe you can play with your happy meal toy.

rachel: do you have anything else in your purse to play with.

me: well. i have the Bible and some action figures of Jesus' disciples.

{rachel plays with the action figures for about 20 min till it's time to go home}

me: okay, rach, you wanna carry Jesus' disciples in the car, and i'll put the bible away.

rachel: no. i think i'll just read the Bible on the car ride home.

{about halfway home...}

rachel: winzy, there's no pictures in this Bible.

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and the winner for the quote that made me nearly crack up on the spot.............

me: rachel, you're not getting any cupcakes unless you ask nicely.

rachel: {proceeds with small tantrum}

me: riley, why don't you show your sister how you ask nicely for cupcakes?

riley: may i please have a cupcake, lindsay?

me: sure. see rach? that wasn't so bad, now you try.

rachel: {storms into the house screaming}

me: sigh...i'll give her 2 min to cool off.

riley: man, i wish she would just behave the way i've been behaving for the past two minutes!

more quotations to come!!! what silly things have you heard from the mouths of babes this week?