first, we decided to indulge in some wendys' french fries and chicken nuggets.
{lay off me i'm starving}
for the 11.7 minutes it took for us to consume our medium french fries and chicken nuggets, i had an out-of-body experience of pure, unadulterated bliss. however, i immediately regretted the decision to over-indulge. i began to have that feeling you get in your stomach: you know, when the contents of your stomach are jiggling like pudding in a bowl while gurgling like some of the instruments in the original willy wonka and the chocolate factory when they go into the inventing room...
{mm, roast beef and mashed potato! with sour cream? -- and yes, i do feel about the same as violet beauregarde. i need juicing}
so we decide to go to the new target that's just opened down the street from us. {we are truly sick.} so this new target has the absolutely coolest escalator in the history of the world. you can put your cart on the escalator next to you and it goes up...right next to you!!
{this may be old news for some, but for me this new-fangled contraption is absolutely mind-blowing}
...
{it's also kind of pointless bc they still have carts upstairs...}
after spending about a half-hour in the $1 bins (in which i managed to almost buy plastic bowls, a foam ax, a cat-in-the-hat tote bag, war-head frozen pops, a complete phineas and ferb set of flatware...) we then spent another half-hour in the make-up section (came there for waterproof mascara. left with eyeshadow and new mascara...which is not waterproof). we then traipsed off to the home improvement section to find some more wall-hangings for when roomie moves away {currently, the owner of our entire home-decor is tricia...}. it was at this point that tricia had to actually sprint across the gigantic super-target to the bathroom in the front of the store to hurl up her dinner...
{somebody had to christen the new tar-jay!!}
later, tricia returned to find me perusing the underpants department {in the meantime, i somehow found the self-discipline to pass up a new iron, a portable island, a complete set of frog accessories for the bathroom, a new pink lamp, cast iron pans, a silk robe, new jars to keep my cereal in, the entire sharpie and post-it aisle....}. she had to leave again to be sick once more before i checked out. she then proceeded to tell me about the lovely person in the stall next to her. this woman came into the bathroom humming a sweet little tune. the musical mistress entered the stall {still humming}, only to make some apparently musical toots. the explosive diarrhea coming from this woman was continually accompanied by a combination of humming and grunting. as tricia washed her hands, the woman emerged from the stall {seriously? you wouldn't hide out in the stall until there was complete silence? isn't that like public pooping etiquette?). she was wearing spandex shorts and nun shoes, and was about 5 feet tall.
{i'm singing. i'm in a store, and i'm singing.}
needless to say we returned home rather quickly. i then had what my mother would call an "ass explosion" {ass explosion: noun. meaning: the completely liquid bathroom experience one has after eating a largely greasy and disgusting meal, the kind you need to make a mad dash to the bathroom for...the kind that sneakily seems like a fart but ends up to be sooo much more.... often happens in public. often precluded by a nasty gurgling in your tummy. pardon my crass-ness}. the smell of our bathroom was a combination between toilet stink, some kind of asian spicy food wafting down from the upstairs, and these wet rags that may or may not have been left in our closet for like 3 weeks. it literally permeated the entire apartment.
{a potentially better title: the cropduster}
all this to say... it may not have been the most perfect roommate date. but it's evenings like these that make great stories later. suffering together (in putrid odors and in fresh fragrances) is something that strengthens a friendship. it's that gut-wrenching (in this case literally) laughter that makes everything you experience in life worthwhile and joyful. it's like my mother has always said:
a friend you can truly laugh with is a friend worth keeping. you need that laughter when life gets hard.
who are the people you can laugh with no matter what?
